Why Are You Anxious?

Anxiety is a common problem that a lot of individuals face everyday. It can be a debilitating force that leaves you feeling isolated and afraid. Feeling anxious is a normal feeling that we all feel from time to time when faced with certain stressful situations but when anxiety begins to take over your life and starts to interfere with your daily activities then it becomes a disorder. Anxiety has been something that I have struggled with for a while now. What I can't seem to figure out is when and why did it start to become uncontrollable? I have always been an anxious person but it wasn't enough to control my life and I remember when I was this happy-go-lucky, super positive, upbeat person with a zest for life and adventure. Goodness! I do miss that girl a lot. From what I have learned about anxiety, a lot of it stems from genetics and life experiences (trauma, sickness, death of a loved one, etc.) Thinking about this leads me to believe that my anxiety escalated and went from situational anxiety (anxiety produced during certain stressful situations) to Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I made my big move from North Carolina to California when I got married. Because of the big adjustment in an entirely new place and the separation from family, friends, and home, I underestimated my ability to adapt to new circumstances. Apparently, I do not exemplify an A+ in the adapting category. I started having panic attacks, intense mood swings and it even got to the point where I didn't even want to leave the apartment because I didn't want to be around anyone or anything that could possibly trigger my anxiety. Life should never be lived that way! I still live with anxiety today, it is still a battle that I face every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. I am still learning how to cope and live with my anxiety and even though it is still an issue in my own life, it is no longer an issue in OUR life. I realized that I didn't want Ricky to have to deal with the storms that it brought to my life but I did want him to understand anxiety a little more so he would know what it is and what it does to someone's life. Obviously this has turned into a venting moment for me but enough digressing, the purpose of today's post is to address this issue and how to live cordially with someone with anxiety. Whether it be you or your significant other, I believe it is of utmost importance that every couple can know and understand how to still be the couple you dream to be even if you or your significant other struggles with anxiety. I wanted to share my story with you guys so you can see that while it is a real problem, you can still have a happy life with your significant other. I hope my tips help you both learn more about dealing with anxiety when it happens and to no longer see it as an obstacle that is coming between you but instead you will see it as a strength that will only make your relationship empowered! 

You Can't Help It!

I cannot stress this enough to you guys! If you feel anxious...YOU CANNOT HELP IT! It's just like any other emotion or feeling, you cannot control how you feel. Most of the time, if it is a disorder, there is no particular reason why you are feeling anxious. Anything can become a trigger for you and even though there are a lot of people who think that if you change your mindset, then you can change your way of thinking. That is very false when it comes to anxiety. If you suffer from anxiety, then you know that that statement can be told to you as many times as possible but it isn't going to change or cure your anxiety and make it go away. It is out of our control most times so if you or your significant other suffers from anxiety, just remember to be easy on them and understand that there could be no reason or answer as to why they are anxious. Knowing that is a great start to helping them cope with it. 

Just Listen to Them

A lot of people (my husband included) do not always know how to help in times of panic attacks or during anxious moments in general. Honestly, most of the time we just need someone to listen to us so we can talk through it and about it. It helps more than you know! Being that listening ear and that someone that they can come to and be comforted by is enough sometimes. Although, it is important to keep in mind that a lot people who undergo anxiety and anxiety attacks do not like to be touched when it is happening to them, mostly because they just need to focus on their breathing and someone's touch can make them feel more suffocated than they already do at that present moment. Ricky has quickly learned that I need that physical touch (whether it be holding my hand or rubbing my back). That touch helps me to calm my breathing and it helps me see that I am okay and in no real danger. When you find your significant other or yourself suffering from these same issues, keep in mind that a listening ear, a helpful voice, and physical touch is the best thing that you can do for them during moments of panic. 

You Don't Have to Understand It!

People who do not suffer from anxiety disorders do not understand the mindset of someone who does suffer from them. Some people who have loved ones who struggle with anxiety feel that they need to understand it to fully see what goes through our minds everyday and the truth of the matter is...you cannot understand it. Anxiety disorders create a chemical imbalance in our minds and without the normal amount of serotonin and dopamine that our neural impulses should be firing off, we are not getting the necessary chemicals that should make us more even kill and relaxed. Here's what you need to hear, you do not have to understand it in order to accept it. Accepting it for what it is and what it can do is just as helpful to those of us who endure anxiety on a daily basis. Having that assurance that our significant other accepts us and loves us even through the worst of us speaks volumes to how much we are loved. Supporting and consoling without having the need to comprehend it is more than enough to help us get through it. Being that voice of reason and letting us know that everything is okay and we are loved is sometimes all we need to hear from those we love. 

Find a Support Group!

Finding a group of friends or people in the community who share the same issues with you is a very resourceful technique in fighting your anxiety or helping your significant other fight theirs. Having that assurance that you aren't alone in this and there are many other people who know what you are going through is going to help us tremendously. It will get us to open up about our anxiety and to face it head on with others who will help us fight it. Having that support group is going to be one of the best assets for you if you suffer from anxiety disorders. There are plenty of support groups in your area, all it takes is a little research on your end to find the right group that fits your needs. Try looking online in your area by doing a search on Google or any other search engine and see what you can find. My suggestion is try and find a group that has a Licensed Therapist or Counselor. Having someone with prior experience and training is going to be the best leader for you and your group. 

Find Your Outlet!

I cannot tell you how much this technique has helped me! I have found that having an escape outlet in times of anxiety has been a wonderful way to distract my mind and keep it busy. Therefore, it helps keep your mind focused on one thing which is very healthy for people who suffer from anxiety. Everyone will have a different outlet, its up to you to find what works best for you. My outlet was writing. I found that self expression and putting my thoughts down on paper was extremely beneficial for me during times of anxiety. It's hard to always think clearly with anxiety but writing makes it easier for me when I can see what I wrote in front of me and by putting all of my worries and angst down, it helps me to make sense of it so I know what my triggers are and what I can do to help myself in the future. Whether it be talking with your closest friends, being out and having fun, meditation, yoga, reading, whatever it may be....find it and use it as an escape for yourself in times of panic and anxiety. Just be sure that its a safe, and healthy outlet that helps calm you or your significant other down. This will also be beneficial for you and your relationship as well because knowing how to help yourself so you won't have to heavily depend on your significant other will be a lot less stressful on them when those moments come.

Never Make Them Feel Like a Burden!

Because anxiety disorders can be conflicting on not only yourself but on relationships as well, it is important to keep in mind that if you or your significant other is feeling anxious or panicked, they need to feel supported and comforted at all costs. When it becomes a daily routine, it can be taxing on you or your significant other at times and it may be hard not to show that. Remember that what they are feeling or what they are going through isn't their fault, what may be irrational to you is very real to them and they need to know they are heard and not looked upon as "crazy" or "delusional". Never let them believe that they are a burden to you and your life because anxiety is already such a heavy weight that they have to carry with them everyday, and knowing that they are feeling like they are bringing you down with them is only going to make them feel guilty and misunderstood. Reassure them that it is not their fault and let them know that you aren't going anywhere. As we all know, love is more powerful than any other emotion or force that we can ever face. Love can overcome anything! With anxiety, we sometimes feel disconnected from ourselves and with reality and it is a scary place to be, we need our significant others and the people we love most to know that with patience, faith and love...we can remain strong enough to fight the biggest monster in our life. We just need to know that while we are doing that, the ones we love are standing right there next to us helping us fight. It is amazing what we can do together when love is involved! 

I hope this brings any couple who faces anxiety relief and comfort. Ricky and I fight it everyday, but I truly believe that these self-help techniques have helped me so much in my life with anxiety. What I have learned from this is while living with anxiety is a constant and debilitating battle, it is not impossible to live the life you want. It does not define our character or define who we are, it is only a war that shows us how strong we can be and how strong our love is with our significant other. What I want anyone who is living with someone who suffers from anxiety to know is, don't give up! The best days are yet to come, don't let the person you see with anxiety be who you see when you look at them. Remember that you are needed and the love you have for them is enough to always help them through it. For the conclusion, I just want to say that I would love to talk or be a listening ear to anyone who needs someone to talk to about their anxiety. I would love to help anyway that I can, I have found that helping others deal with their anxiety helps me deal with mine.


Stay happy and beautiful! :)





I posted a link to a video that I think will help those loved ones see what exactly we are trying to show and tell you about our anxiety. It will hopefully help you understand it a little better and give you a better image of what anxiety is and what it does to us.

https://socialfeed.info/struggle-expressing-yourself-and-your-anxiety-to-your-significant-other-family-members-567689/comment-timeline