You Said WHAT?!

We have all discovered the roller coaster of love and the extreme highs, sharp twists and turns and the sudden drops that it leaves us with. The difference being that if we are prepared for those steep lows, the after effect can be a lot less intense. A lot of us can look at a couple on social media or out in public and think to ourselves, "Wow! They look so happy! Are we as happy as they are?" I am completely guilty of doing this and there is no shame if you do, we all tend to have that little green monster called jealousy on our backs every so often. What we don't see is what's behind the picture or what happens behind closed doors. A lot of us like to portray ourselves a certain way to others because we like to be a role model and an example to those around us who are wanting a happy relationship. For a while, I struggled with maintaining this "perfect" image of what I always wanted my marriage to be and I quickly came to the conclusion that the image I had was unrealistic and frankly unattainable. I was driving myself crazy trying to be the "perfect wife", and it was slowly starting to become too much too fast. After many days and nights of endless praying, soul searching and family advice, I realized that instead of focusing on being the "perfect wife", I just needed to find a way to handle the lows without letting it completely shake my mood and my relationship. We all have a unique representation of what love looks like, but I will be the first to say that love isn't love without some hardships to overcome. Without those hardships, you don't know what you and your significant other can take on together. You have no clue how strong you both can be as one, and seeing that you can still love each other even harder after that storm just proves that there is nothing that can stand in your way. That is the image that I began to have, I adjusted the idea of perfection and adapted to the idea of correction. Instead of striving so hard to be perfect and to do everything in a perfect manner, I set my sights on correcting the storms we face together and accepting them as just another page in our love story. Since Ricky and I have been married, we both have seen that we can really ANNOY each other. He can really get on my last nerve and that's okay because it just shows that I can still love him in spite of that. No one is perfect, no relationship is perfect. It may appear to be flawless but every relationship goes through its trials and struggles and how we deal with those struggles when they come is what we need to look at. What I would like to share with all of you is some different ways to handle fights and arguments when they arise without putting strain on your relationship. I want to do this by just sharing what Ricky and I have done to help us maintain a calm and collected nature when we have our fights. I hope this will help you like it has helped us!


Take a Deep Breath

1) It took me a while to learn how Ricky and I handle situations when we argue and fight. With time, I learned that Ricky just needs some space and some personal time to himself when we fight because instead of yelling and shouting hurtful words to me, he takes a few deep breaths and thinks about what to say to mend the problem. I am COMPLETE opposite. I need to address and handle the situation right then and there or I will just get more upset. I would rather hash it out than wait and talk about it later. Because I realized after many arguments, my way only worsens the situation and it is only making us fight more, I now walk away and take some time for myself as well to calm down and think about the best way to talk about it. We give ourselves about an hour and then we come back together and calmly address the situation. The results are always much better when it comes from a gentler place.

Don't Compare!

2) To this day I still struggle with comparing my relationship to other relationships out there. You start to obsess and become very judgmental of your own relationship and it becomes unhealthy when you become so fixated on making your relationship perfect. Your expectations start to become too high and your significant other can start to feel pressured and discouraged if they cannot exceed those expectations for you. Therefore, it could start causing a rift between you. Instead of comparing, start seeing the beautiful uniqueness that your relationship has and the endless reasons why it means so much to you. There is no one in the whole world who has the amazing relationship that you do with your significant other, appreciate that and cherish the beauty that it holds! 

Never Go to Bed Mad!

3) I have always believed in this statement and I always will. There has been many times in our marriage that we have had a fight before bed and being who Ricky is, if he is tired; he isn't prepared or determined to fix it that night. Me on the other hand, I have to resolve it before I go to bed or I can't sleep. I have told him that it's never good to go to sleep angry because we aren't promised tomorrow and I always want him to know that he is loved before I go to sleep in case I do not get that chance to tell him tomorrow. I also believe that having a clear and content mind and heart before bed is very important because it will set the stage for how you wake up tomorrow. It will either start your day off great or it will start your day off gray. I choose great! Ricky has actually become a lot more open to dealing with an argument or fight before we go to sleep at night and it has been working out well. We each give each other time to talk and share our feelings and thoughts on the subject and we try to reach a resolution that will make both of us happy. No fight is ever worth jeopardizing the wonderful foundation that you two have built together!

The secret to overcoming these struggles and trials that you guys will face from time to time is obviously open communication, but also trying to see and understand from each other's perspective. We as women are more emotional and tend to overthink situations, which is why it may be hard to see a different point of view when we are upset. Guys tend to get over things fairly quickly while we as women hold on to things until it is properly dealt with. Knowing that we are understood is all we truly want (men and women), and being able to resolve conflict in a manner that is beneficial for both of you is a great first step in making each other feel understood. 


Stay happy and beautiful! :)


Even during times like this...

Remember that there is never a fight that can keep you from being like this...