"LET IT GO! LET IT GO! I can't keep talking about this with you anymore!"

At least the title got your attention, right? I wanted to add my own little remix to it! :) However,  I am regretful that I had to resort to that song. The purpose of the title is to discuss and talk about a very deep problem that haunts relationships everywhere...the past! I know, it makes me cringe too! Let's get real for a second, there is NOTHING more damaging to the future of any relationship than the past of another relationship. Ladies, please do not become bothered by the mistakes and the bad decisions that your significant other made before you or even when they were with you. Let me explain by reaching a touchier subject, I STILL hold on to the past sometimes with Ricky. There were some mistakes on his part that he made when we first got together and I am still learning to move on from them. It's an everyday battle that I am fighting and as badly as I want to get past it, it beats me down some days and I can't seem to get up. I'm not going to say that it hasn't caused the majority of our fights and issues because it most certainly has but I'm writing this post for you all simply because I want to save you from the trouble and the emotional whirlwind that it has caused me at times. Not only should this blog be a safe place to read about real life situations and stories about relationships but I want it to also be a place where anyone and everyone can feel like they can talk openly and freely about issues they face in their own relationship. Then, hopefully the entire community and I can offer valuable support and insight on how to get through those issues while letting anyone know that they aren't alone in the struggles they face in their own relationship. While I am still learning how to put the past behind me for good, I can't offer advice that will have instantaneous results. As with everything, it takes time. In this case, it also takes effort and forgiveness. With that being said, I am also not saying that the mistakes that were made from either you or your significant other is okay or justified but I am saying that if they have made a positive change for the better and have proven themselves to be an even greater person after the mistakes and have grown from those experiences then at that point, they should be forgiven and it should be forgotten. Believe me, that's a lot harder to do than say sometimes but it is essential if you both are trying to move past it so you can enjoy what the future has in store for you both. Just like the old saying, "You can't start the next chapter of your life, if you keep re-reading the last one". It holds so much truth to it. You have to turn the page so you can possibly see how amazing the next page is for you both. For a lot of us, it can be very hard to talk about because it's such a raw and emotional event but in order to move on, you have to communicate about it so you can get the closure you need. Which brings me to my little list of self-help tips when dealing with the past, I hope it can help all of you finally move on from what's been holding you back so you can enjoy the blessed gift that we call love.

If you haven't talked about it, TODAY IS THE DAY!

-Even if you don't want to, you must find a way to talk about it. If you don't, it will just keep coming back to haunt you and it will lead to more fights and resentment. All of us want answers but are afraid to know what they are sometimes. I don't know about you but I would much rather ask and know, than keep it to myself and always wonder. If it's hard for you to do, try setting up a calm and peaceful place for you both to talk. Maybe write down what you want to say, I know I always like to plan my words and thoughts ahead of time and plus I can just express myself better through my writing. Then confront the situation and ask them to talk about the mistakes and the decisions that are weighing on you and making your relationship shaky. It's worth saving, isn't it? I promise if you guys can talk it through, it will make a world of difference! Ask all of the questions you have for them so you will have all of the answers that you have been needing. 

Once it's been talked about, CLOSE THE BOOK!

After you both have openly talked it through and have reached a point where you both feel better about the situation, put it to rest! Don't keep bringing it up whenever you find yourselves arguing. Trust me, it will never end well. If anything, it only makes your significant other feel misunderstood and belittled by you and you don't want them to feel that way from the person they love. The past is the past for a reason, it's supposed to be left behind you. 

FORGIVE THEM! 

We are all imperfect. We were created that way, we all have scars and flaws that make us who we are today. What we don't see is that we are imperfectly PERFECT to those we love, especially to our significant others. Believe it or not, they want to know that you see them that way too. Just as we all have made poor decisions and mistakes along the way, we reach a point in our lives where we don't let those mistakes define us. We let those decisions and mistakes be a lesson to us and it helps us see who we are and who we aren't. The message here is don't let the mistakes and the decisions that your significant other made define your relationship. Even if they hurt you in the past, don't let it decide what you guys will have in the future. They are with you for a reason, trust in that reason and really try to forgive them. You owe it not only to your relationship but to yourself as well. There's so much greatness waiting for you in your future together, go find it and let the past be the past. They love you for all of you, so lets love them for all they are too. Besides, scars remind us of where we've been, not where we are going.

Today's Exercise: Take some time today and think about any issue or concern from the past (yours or his) that is coming between you and your significant other. Whenever you see them, first tell them how appreciative and thankful you are to have them in your life, then just explain that you need to talk about the issue in order to get past it and move on. Once it's talked about, assure them that it's being left behind but it may take some personal time to do that. After that, try and remember what was said and remind yourself everyday of the good they bring to your life and do your best to get through it but do not bring it up anymore to your significant other because just as it was hard for you to talk about, it is probably just as hard for them to talk about. This way, you can get the closure you need and your significant other can finally feel free of the chains that has bound them. Never forget to enjoy the present and remember what brought you together! Don't let their past dictate who they are, but let it be a part of who they will become with you.

Stay happy and beautiful!