The Birds and the Bees.

       Hello everyone! I am pretty certain that my title gives it away but I thought it was best to get up close and personal today guys. While it is not the most important part of a relationship, it is still a vital component to any relationship. Yes, yes...I am talking about sex. Most couples go through what is called, the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship which is most commonly found in the very beginning stages of a relationship. You know, the can't keep your hands off of each other type of connection and the strong physical attraction every time that you are around them. I still remember those feelings when I first met Ricky and the overwhelming sense of passion that I felt every time I would see him and think about him. Fast forward to the present, after almost four years of marriage and a 15 month old son, laying on the couch together watching a show together is as steamy as it gets some days. I have learned through my own personal experience and through observation of other relationships, that phase of intense attraction and "puppy-dog" love is unrealistic and far fetched. Now, I am certainly not implying that you lose passion and attraction down the road in your relationship because if deep love exists between you, then that will always be present no matter what but what I am saying is you move from the lust or attraction part of your relationship and on to the attachment part of love. This stage is accomplished when two people develop a strong emotional attachment. This attachment brings a sense of security, a desire to protect each other and the relationship, and a sense of comfort. In my opinion, this evokes a whole new spectrum of love. A stage that offers companionship and trust. Who doesn't want that? However, I am also here to talk to you about the bumps in the road that can arise during this walk together. For instance, things have completely changed for Ricky and I once we had Gabriel. We were so invested and focused on being parents that we forgot how to be together as husband and wife. Our lives became so involved in Gabriel and taking care of him that we forgot to make time for each other and to express love for one another. This took a toll on our relationship for awhile and we had no idea how to get back on track and our sex life was almost non-existent. I was either too tired after a long day of being mommy or we just weren't getting along with each other because of the new life stressors that come with being first time parents. When we did have sex, it was always planned and scheduled around Gabriel and his nap times and it just lost it's charm and spontaneity that makes sex fun and adventurous. I knew something had to change. I was neglecting him of his needs and depriving myself of my own needs. I also was very self-conscious of my body and the way it looked after I had Gabe. I was very unhappy with myself and very scared that I had drastically changed way down south (if you get my drift). I wasn't at a good place emotionally and mentally to even think about being intimate and I knew that it was because I had lost all confidence in myself. While it is still a work in progress, I learned to take my time and be patient with myself and with my body. I knew that it would take some dedication and some good old fashioned TLC to get back to a place where I could feel happier with myself. Everyday I have to wake up and remind myself that I am a bad-ass mom and wife! I always give myself one new reason to love who I am and it has brought me very far in building up my confidence and self-esteem. 

This is when I sat back and stopped complaining about why we couldn't be the way that we used to be, I realized that it was because we had reached a new chapter in our love story. I couldn't keep re-reading the same chapter hoping to rewrite it into my very own make believe fairy tale. I knew that I had to make some changes and I had to accept this new stage of love that we were in. Once I realized this, our relationship only strengthened and we became closer than ever. I am a mom, a wife, and a strong and fierce warrior who birthed a child! Once I owned these titles, I became even more confident and sure of myself and once we started to dedicate time to each other and appreciated one another, not only did our sex life get back on track but we began to notice even more reasons why we loved each other. So I will leave you with this, be proudly and truthfully you! Remind yourself that you are a bad-ass woman with some bad-ass talents! Own who you are and all the different roles that you have! Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to get back to you. Once this happens, everything else will fall into place. 

Stay happy and beautiful!